Intoxicated
by Just A Little Bit Dramatic
Summary: Bella discovers the positive side of being older than Edward, and decides to have some fun of her own to get back at her vampire sweetheart for not changing her sooner. Rated T to be safe...
1. Chapter 1

**This will only be a few very short chapters of randomosity to come. It's just the downside of Edward being 17 for eternity…grin. Where I live, you have to be over 18 to drink. I'm hoping it's the same there, and if not, I don't really care. **

**I don't own Twilight or New Moon. I do, however, own Don't Go Into The Woods Alone, and It's Better To Avoid The Woods Completely, and a year's supply of turtle wax, very generously donated to wrecking hotel rooms, the coolest person I don't know.**

Bella smiled, entering the Cullen's living room. She stumbled as she walked through the door, slipping to hit her shoulder on the doorframe, before jerking up and glancing around to make sure no one had really seen. Seating herself on the sofa beside Edward, she sighed, and he looked at her, instantly alert.

"Anything the matter?" He asked. Bella shook her head, frowning, deep in thought. She leaned against him, and he put an arm over her shoulder. "Bella, I know human traits, and I know _your_ human traits. You know you can talk to me." Edward tilted his head to stare at her, but her eyes were closed as she rested her head on his shoulder.

Murmuring, she sighed. "I'm just wondering how to sneak an underage person into a nightclub." Edward immediately tensed, jaw tightening, and Bella felt it. She sat up quickly, a grin lighting up her face. "Well, you are only seventeen, and I'm a whole year older than you, and Alice told me you're only seventeen here for a whole _month _to come…"

"No way in hell." He growled. Bella smiled, screwing her nose up petulantly, and shook her head. Edward's eyes flashed, and a growl emanated from his throat. "Bella, you are in enough danger when you have not consumed anything that might affect your balance. I don't intend to let you into a vicinity where you can buy it." He tilted her chin so he was staring directly into her eyes.

"You could have made me like you when I was your age. Suffer the consequences." Bella smirked, jerking backwards. She looked at Emmett as he walked in, bouncing up from the couch. "I'll get dressed, and then we're ready to go." Emmett grinned, looking as though it was Christmas come early.

"Wait, _he _gets to go?" Edward asked incredulously, looking at Emmett. Bella nodded mischievously, high-fiving Emmett as she walked past him. "What's he got that I don't?"

"An I.D." Bella poked her tongue out at Edward childishly, dancing up the stairs, stumbling all the way. She knocked on Alice's door. "Alice! I'm ready to play Barbie!" She sung out. Alice wrenched the door open, almost glowing with eagerness.

"Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to agree to this?" Alice promptly pulled her inside, handing her an armful of clothes. A string of cuss words were muffled, followed by, "Bella, you asked for it, now let me have my fun!"

An hour later Bella bolted down the stairs, coming to a halt in the living room door. Dressed in a short black dress, with high black boots, her brown hair was curled in ringlets at the bottom, and some parts were pinned back, leaving out strands to frame her face. Edward's face blanched, and he stood up.

His words were fast. "No…no…you are _not _leaving the house with Emmett, _Emmett_, dressed like that, to go somewhere where they will be selling alcohol, and guys will be everywhere! No! No! _No!_" Bella spared him a glance.

"Let's go, Emmett, before Eddywardy has an aneurysm. Or Alice decides these shoes aren't high enough…she made me wear _make-up_!" Bella shook her head, and smiled at Edward. "Bye, Edward darling." She went to move out the door, but Edward was there, stopping her.

"Home by midnight? Promise?" He asked. Bella nodded, pouting, and he relaxed a little. "You do not leave Emmett's sight, and you do not drink, and you do _not_ even _look _at another guy." Edward ordered. "Honestly, Bella, promise me you'll be careful." Bella nodded meekly, and Emmett put a protective arm around her shoulder.

"Don't worry, Edward, I'll bring her back still a virgin." He said seriously. Edward smiled, nodding in approval, and Bella frowned, looking between the two of them, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Even _you guys _can't do the impossible." She raised an eyebrow, and Edward's face blanched. Emmett hesitated a moment, before letting out an uncomfortable laugh, and pushing Bella's shoulder gently.

He laughed awkwardly again. "That's our Bella…always the joker…" Too late. Emmett saw the anger and horror written in Edward's eyes. Bella was obviously enjoying herself, but her expression gave nothing else away.

"You're kidding, right?" Edward demanded. Bella only gave him a small smile, shrugging, and turned on her heel. Edward looked after her. "Bella? Bella? _Isabella?_"

"_Don't call me Isabella_!" Was all the reply he got.

**If you review, I'll continue this. If not, I'll assume it's not at all interesting, and surrender with it. Savvy? But drunk Bella…tempting much?**

**Oh, please check out ****"Dying Is Your Latest Fashion"! Joint story from me and wrecking hotel rooms, morbid, but I know the plot, and I know it's gonna get good. I wrote the preface, which is up, and the first chapter is soon to follow.**

**If you love Edward and you know it, please review…type, type!**

**Just A Little Bit Dramatic**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm not showing what happens in the nightclub; I thought it would be funnier to see Edward's distress. Anyway, you'll see the funny side of it. So hopefully this wont suck.**

**I don't own Twilight or New Moon. I do, however, own a year's supply of turtle wax, very generously donated to wrecking hotel rooms, the coolest person I don't know.**

Edward looked at the clock anxiously, tapping the table beside him anxiously. A splintering sound echoed in the silence, and his face blanched as he looked at the table. A giant hole had split the wood around it.

Glancing around to make sure Esme hadn't seen, Edward frowned, grabbing a coaster and placing it over the hole. He looked at the clock again. Bella had been gone for exactly three hours, twenty-three minutes, and fifteen seconds. That was three hours, twenty-three minutes, and fourteen seconds too long for Edward's liking.

Sighing, he looked up to see Jasper walk in the door. His blonde-haired brother glanced at him, picking up on his mood. _'Bella not back yet, huh?' _Edward's eyes narrowed, and Jasper held his hands up. _'It wasn't my idea…don't take it out on me.'_ And suddenly Edward was alone again.

Edward jumped up as he heard a car approach. It stopped, and the sounds of a door opening and closing caught his attention. A high pitched giggle echoed in the silence, and the sounds of someone tripping. _Bella_.

The door was open before Edward could blink, and Emmett stood there, supporting the human. Edward sniffed, tasting the scent of Bella's blood in the air, and snarled. "How much did you let her drink?"

Emmett winced. _'It's not like I knew how easily humans could get intoxicated…' _He helped a hysterically laughing Bella over to the chair. "Um, well…okay, it's not as bad as it looks…she's a little excited…"

Edward turned to glare at him. "Excited? Emmett, she's drunk!" Bella blinked, swaying on the spot, and burst out laughing, as though what Edward had said was absolutely hilarious. She stood up. Edward pushed her straight back down. Bella stood straight back up again.

She frowned. "I'm not so think as you drunk I am…" She tilted forward, and Edward caught her just before she hit the ground. Bella giggled. "Hello Mr. Floor…" She burst out into a fit of laughter again.

Alice and Jasper appeared in the room, both not sure whether to laugh or turn straight back. They decided to stay, and both promptly bit back grins. Bella saw them, and waved, stepping forward to talk to them, but tripping instantly. Edward caught her again, sending a furious glare to Emmett.

Alice coughed, hiding a laugh. "I'll call Charlie and ask if I can have Bella stay overnight…I'll say it's for a school project." She danced from the room, gracefully, and Bella tilted her head, pouting.

"How does she do that?" She murmured. "I can't walk like that and I'm Ballerina Bella…" She turned to look at Emmett. "You're so pretty…" Emmett blinked, then shrugged, and held his chin high at the compliment.

Edward growled, glowering at his supposedly older brother. "He is so dead." Bella frowned, turning to face him. She swayed, and his arms snaked around her waist to hold her up.

"Knew I already that." She blinked. "I knew already that." The door opened as Bella cursed, and Esme gasped, holding her hand up to her mouth.

Esme glanced at a shocked Carlisle. "Oh my…Bella? What happened to…" Emmett started to sneak out of the room, but Esme fixed her gaze on him, apparently furious. "Emmett McCarty Cullen, you get back here right now! What did you do?"

Emmett winced, biting his lip. "Bella had a little too much to drink while I was…chastising the bouncers for allowing in underage teenagers! Shocking, honestly. And I turned around, and…Bella had a few…" He grimaced under Edward's scowl. "Sorry?"

Bella smiled, swaying, and giggled as she surveyed Jasper. "You're cute…cutiepie…hi cutiepie…" She hiccuped, and let out another giggle. "Want to play Monopoly? You can be the car…" She turned to grin at Edward, and he held her up tightly. "You're so mean…meany…play nicely with Emma…Emmy…Emmytee…" She giggled. "He's my friend."

"Oh sweet Jesus, Bella, don't make it worse." Emmett groaned. Bella attempted to push Edward's chest in an attempt to free herself, and tripped in the process. Edward's grip on her prevented her from falling too far.

The bronze-haired vampire sighed, exasperated. "Come on, love, let's get you to bed before you hurt yourself…or your dignity." He glanced at Emmett. "I'll deal with you when I'm sure you wont be her cause of death." He scooped Bella up, and she laughed gleefully.

"Wait, Eddyward…meany…I don't wanna go to sleep." She grinned at Jasper. "Lie down with Bella?" Jasper's face blanched, as Alice burst out laughing. Emmett cringed again, and Edward's jaw tensed.

He exhaled deeply. "What have you done, Emmett?"

**Sorry it took so long. Drunk Bella is completely, well, intoxicated. No, I have never experienced this. But I know people who have been drunk to this extent. And this could be possible. Next chapter I will attempt to make longer, but I cant be bothered. To those who read it; Vampires And Technology Don't Mix will be up very soon.**

**If you love Edward and you know it, please review…type, type!**

**Just A Little Bit Dramatic**


	3. Chapter 3

**So sorry for the delayed update! If you love me, you'll understand! Like I said before, legal drinking age where I live is 18. So I don't care about different laws or anything like that, okay? This is from what I know.**

**I don't own Twilight or New Moon. I do, however, own a year's supply of turtle wax, very generously donated to wrecking hotel rooms, the coolest person I don't know.**

Emmett looked from his brother to the drunken human swaying before him. "Emmett isn't here right now…please leave a message after the _beep_…" He tugged Alice in front of him, face completely panic-stricken.

Bella held out her hand to Jasper. "Lie down with Bella? Pretty please?" She hiccuped, giggling, and Jasper turned to his wife as Bella continued speaking. "Bella not sleeping without cutie…sleep with Bella?" She was obviously too far gone to realize the double meaning.

Emmett winced as Edward growled, and bowed his head. "Dear Lord, I know we haven't spoken in…a _long _time…but if you smite Edward where he is standing before he takes this chance to kill me, I promise I'll pray every night…I'll even go on the internet and get one of those certificates so I can marry people! Just smite him!"

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand, supporting Bella with the other. "Jasper, for the love of God, lay down with her." Jasper's eyes widened, and he watched Edward warily, eyes flickering to Alice every so often. "I won't hold you responsible for anything. I'll stand there…the alcohol takes away the appeal of the blood. All I'm asking is you lay down next to her. _Please_. If it'll make her sleep."

Alice sighed. "Jasper, just go. It wont kill either of you…" She smiled slightly. "No pun intended." Bella was growing impatient, squirming in Edward's grasp, and stumbling on the spot. The scent of alcohol was obvious on her.

Jasper groaned. "Come on, Bella." He held his arms out, and Edward scooped up Bella, dumping her into his blonde brother's arms. Bella promptly pressed her cheek against his shoulder, grinning, and murmuring sleepily. Jasper looked at Edward almost pleadingly. _'Edward, I need you in the room the whole time...please don't let me lose it. If I even start to think about it...'_

Edward eyed his brother almost suspiciously, his body tense. He nodded, and Jasper stopped breathing. _'Thank you...she doesn't mean anything by it. She doesn't feel anything to me. She's just drunk.'_

Bella looked at Edward, her eyes wide and almost innocent looking. "Jazzysper and Bella beddy bye bye go?" She hiccupped. Edward nodded, and she grinned. "Eddywardy loves Bella, doesn't he?"

In spite of himself, Edward softened. "Yes, Bella. Eddywardy loves you more than you could possibly imagine. Ever will imagine." Bella smiled dreamily, and yawned. Jasper glanced at him again, before starting upstairs, eyes a dark golden, but still refusing to breathe.

Edward guided them into his bedroom, and Jasper carefully lowered himself onto the couch, still cradling Bella. Her eyes were just beginning to close, and slowly she started to drift off to sleep.

Smiling, Edward glanced at Jasper. As he was about to speak, Bella beat him to it. "Eddywardy...? Bella loves you too...a lot more than she loves drinking...she doesn't like drinking much at all..." She rolled over, and buried her face in Jasper's shoulder.

Jasper's lips quirked up. "She doesn't drool or anything, does she?" Edward chuckled, shaking his head, not missing Jasper's relieved sigh. "Oh good...I happen to like this shirt. Alice let me buy one for myself. You and Bella will reach that eventually."

Edward shook his head. "Bella and I will never have what you have...you know how I feel about her. And, evidently, how I feel about her becoming a vampire. I'm not too keen on it happening."

Jasper shrugged, "I also feel what she feels about you. She'd do it, Edward. For you." He looked down at the sleeping human. "The depth of her feelings surprises me, honestly. A vampire takes decades to feel emotion as she does. She's an unusual being...Aro was right to be curious about her power as a vampire."

Edward shook his head. "It's not going to happen if I can help it, Jasper." He smiled at his girlfriend, limp in his brother's arms. "I'd rather her living without me...to being dead with me."

Jasper nodded, and they were both quiet for a long time. Jasper was the first to speak up. "One thing's for sure...both Bella and I are going to want to die in the morning. Her from embarrassment, her hangover, and I'll feel it all..."

Edward grinned. "It'll teach her not to drink again, that's for sure."

**I'm so sorry this took so long. I had some stuff to deal with…and I moved states, and yeah. It's all a bit big at the moment. All my stories will be updated soon though, I haven't given up. Please just be patient?**

**This was more of a bonding chapter, but this story's almost over. I know you all wanna see Bella's hangover from hell. So I wont disappoint you!**

**Please review…cause I know you would all review if I was Edward!**

**Just A Little Bit Dramatic**


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